Should I go back to school? or, not…?

On joining Toimairangi School of Contemporary Maori Arts

This question has been constantly on my mind over the summer and I have been giving it some deep thought as to why I feel drawn to the idea, one that is coupled with scary imaginings of what it might mean for me, a pakeha woman of advanced years, who has some knowledge of the contentious history of Aotearoa, but only a little of the Māori experience, or of its culture and values.

So, long story short, this week I completed the application form and sent it to Te Wananga o Aotearoa to attend the Toimairangi School of Contemporary Māori Arts in Hastings. At this point, I don’t know if I will be accepted, but I feel hopeful having spoken with Tracy Keith in November (he’s the Toimairangi director) who first suggested the possibility of my joining as a student - he told me they are looking for students from within and also beyond the Māori community to add some diversity to the student cohort of 2023.

Because it has been a decision that excites but also scares me, I was grateful when my artist friend asked me the big question, ‘Why?’ and that allowed me to articulate the significance of the decision, to hear aloud what was within me.

I have learnt to be self-sufficient as a single woman since my husband died when I was 56 years in 1999. In 2004 I took a 12-week Level 3 art course at EIT Ideas School and through this introduction to the medium, I became obsessed by creating the human form in clay, working daily with my hands covered in mud and delighted by the creative process that so engaged me. This constant engagement allowed me to work through my grief; I have loved the artistic development that took place over the years and what I have created, and so did many others. That’s my measure of creative success.

However, recently the drive to get into the studio has waned and I am feeling as though something is changing, that I need to take a break from I have been doing and to reconfigure, or develop another approach.

This is the year of my big 8-0, and as I acknowledge my ‘venerable’ age I imagine possible futures for myself – either, the one that most of my contemporaries choose, the retirement village, comfortable, safe and purpose-built for the 80+ age group, or to just give that thought a nod and tell myself, “Hell no, I am not ready for that. At least…. not yet”. What I do want, is to stay here in this place with a studio to work in, being challenged and to tell myself that 2023 is the time reset my art and my spirit, which is flagging a bit, at the moment.

Why Toimairangi? I like the idea of moving a beyond my pakeha cultural perspective to gain a deeper understanding of tikanga Mãori. I will listen and learn about the Māori art forms that are so tied up with the ancient stories of whakapapa. I will become immersed in the supportive and collaborative learning model of the wananga and I hope and believe that I will find exciting new ways of expressing my artistic intentions that are unique to my own experience.  

This is what I hope for, and, what a privilege it will be to view the world through a contemporary Māori arts lens, to let go of limiting thoughts, breathe, listen and challenge myself in so many ways, and that it will lead on to new areas of creative expression not hitherto explored. What’s not to love?